I've been thinking a lot lately about my 'yes' to 'no' ratio.
Basically, I've been thinking about how often I say 'yes' to something vs. how often I say 'no' to something.
I'm even trying to take it a step further to consider the implications of how I say 'yes' and how I say 'no' to questions and requests.
Too often I think we don't recognize the effect such a simple word can have on those around us, so I'd like to explore the different ways we say 'yes' and 'no' and how those differences affect those with whom we interact.
For example, when you say:
Yes...
You are telling the person who made the request that they have complete freedom and control over what they've requested. The person leaves feeling fulfilled that they got a 'yes' but they also leave feeling that you really aren't that interested in what they are hoping to do and/or accomplish. Simply saying 'yes' provides little guidance and minimal investment on your end which can leave the person making the request susceptible to doubting your support.
Yes, but...
You are telling the person who the made the request that you are OK with them moving forward but you really don't trust or have complete confidence in what they are going to accomplish. The 'but' you added on comes with either restrictions or stipulations that don't leave the person in ultimate control over what they are trying to accomplish. This person leaves being glad they got the 'yes,' but they also recognize that there is an underlying feeling of discomfort on the other end that puts limitations on the task at hand.
Yes, and...
You are telling the person who made the request that you are happy and encouraged they are interested in accomplishing this task. The 'and' that you added on comes with the freedom and autonomy to take the task to the next level knowing they have your full support and backing. When you add the 'and' it shows excitement and instills confidence in the other person as you are acknowledging that this is a good idea and it's worthy of developing further.
No...
You are telling the person who made the request that you don't support and are not interested in accomplishing this task. You are also telling this person that you don't trust them enough to really provide any kind of justification or reasoning behind why you said 'no.' A 'no' alone will make it very difficult (but not impossible) for this person to ever approach you again with a proposal or an idea that they would like to accomplish.
No, but...
You are telling the person who made the request that their original idea may be flawed and may be not worthy of accomplishing, but there is still a glimmer of hope. This phrasing may be disheartening at first, but you are leaving a small crack in the door for the person to improve the idea or pitch and think about coming back a second time to try again. Hint, if you are always the 'no, but' person, then people will eventually stop coming to you, so if you use the 'no, but,' use it sparingly and use it only when you truly mean it.
No, and...
You are telling the person who made the request that there not only isn't any chance of getting this idea to pass, there is also very little chance of getting any future ideas passed. The 'and' with a 'no' really takes the wind out of someone's sails and all but guarantees they won't ever come back to ever ask you for anything ever again. If you are looking to create an environment and culture where people only do the bare minimum and just what they are asked and no more, then use the 'no, and' statement.
So, the next time someone asks you if they can do something, consider how you respond, and whatever you do, be careful with your words because they just might mean more than you think...
Basically, I've been thinking about how often I say 'yes' to something vs. how often I say 'no' to something.
I'm even trying to take it a step further to consider the implications of how I say 'yes' and how I say 'no' to questions and requests.Too often I think we don't recognize the effect such a simple word can have on those around us, so I'd like to explore the different ways we say 'yes' and 'no' and how those differences affect those with whom we interact.
For example, when you say:
Yes...
You are telling the person who made the request that they have complete freedom and control over what they've requested. The person leaves feeling fulfilled that they got a 'yes' but they also leave feeling that you really aren't that interested in what they are hoping to do and/or accomplish. Simply saying 'yes' provides little guidance and minimal investment on your end which can leave the person making the request susceptible to doubting your support.
Yes, but...
You are telling the person who the made the request that you are OK with them moving forward but you really don't trust or have complete confidence in what they are going to accomplish. The 'but' you added on comes with either restrictions or stipulations that don't leave the person in ultimate control over what they are trying to accomplish. This person leaves being glad they got the 'yes,' but they also recognize that there is an underlying feeling of discomfort on the other end that puts limitations on the task at hand.
Yes, and...
You are telling the person who made the request that you are happy and encouraged they are interested in accomplishing this task. The 'and' that you added on comes with the freedom and autonomy to take the task to the next level knowing they have your full support and backing. When you add the 'and' it shows excitement and instills confidence in the other person as you are acknowledging that this is a good idea and it's worthy of developing further.
No...
You are telling the person who made the request that you don't support and are not interested in accomplishing this task. You are also telling this person that you don't trust them enough to really provide any kind of justification or reasoning behind why you said 'no.' A 'no' alone will make it very difficult (but not impossible) for this person to ever approach you again with a proposal or an idea that they would like to accomplish.
No, but...
You are telling the person who made the request that their original idea may be flawed and may be not worthy of accomplishing, but there is still a glimmer of hope. This phrasing may be disheartening at first, but you are leaving a small crack in the door for the person to improve the idea or pitch and think about coming back a second time to try again. Hint, if you are always the 'no, but' person, then people will eventually stop coming to you, so if you use the 'no, but,' use it sparingly and use it only when you truly mean it.
No, and...
You are telling the person who made the request that there not only isn't any chance of getting this idea to pass, there is also very little chance of getting any future ideas passed. The 'and' with a 'no' really takes the wind out of someone's sails and all but guarantees they won't ever come back to ever ask you for anything ever again. If you are looking to create an environment and culture where people only do the bare minimum and just what they are asked and no more, then use the 'no, and' statement.
So, the next time someone asks you if they can do something, consider how you respond, and whatever you do, be careful with your words because they just might mean more than you think...